\”My husband does not want me to work….but I don\’t feel like sitting at home when even I can earn to help raise my kids….\”;these were the words of wisdom spoken by my maid hired for domestic help. It was impossible for me to believe that she was the same girl who had refused to work in our house 8 years ago saying that her mother was forcing her to overwork… but then that frail, thin, quiet and pretty girl she was once, seemed like a faint shadow of this strong-willed, well built, worldly wise woman whom i saw now;a shadow long lost in her past…
At 23 she has been married for eight years and is a mother of three kids-two daughters and a son, her youngest daughter being 3 years old. She works in 6-7 houses as a domestic help, apart from looking after her three children and taking care of her house hold work singlehandedly.8 years ago even the most elaborate attempt to converse with her would have just drawn a faint smile…now she talks incessantly and offers her advice peppered with hard gained wisdom on every matter from raising children to rising prices of vegetables and how to cope with it. \”Aunty, as I did\’nt have time to cook today my husband made tastypuliyogare for kids. But he used 1/4th litre oil for it, now how will I manage for the rest of the month ?\”she complains to my mom, who is in all admiration of her kitchen maintainance skills. She holds my two month old son in her arms and says that I will have to wait for one more month for him to look at me and smile; I have no other option but to believe her eventhough she is a couple of years younger to me because, she has a couple of kids more than me…\”Your hair will start falling now\” she tells me, quickly adding that she prepares and sells a herbal hairoil made at home for hairloss and asks me to try it;I am amazed at her business sense inspite of her poor educational status. \”Where do you find time to do all this?\”my mother asks, \”Aunty, I finish all my work by afternoon and after that I do something to earn more money.\” I again sense that determination in her voice to do her bit to the family. Even when she is working that hurriedness in her pace to finish her task cannot be missed; a far cry from the lazy unhurried pace with which she worked few years before….
It is astonishing to see how marriage and motherhood has transformed a young girl into a mature woman. But she is no victim of one of those child marriages which is forced upon children by helpless parents; She got married at the age of fifteen and delivered her first child seven months later(whoever thought that pre marital sex is an \’upmarket\’ practice think again…and whoever thinks that sex education in schools unnecessary please note that people who dont go to schools too need it…) .There were hushed whispers in the neighborhood before her marriage about a distant relative of hers getting her pregnant which made her parents helpless and left them with no other option other than getting her married to that boy. That time I remember wondering whether her innocence was her pretence or her weakness.
Now, her youngest daughter who is three years old accompanies her to work.It is a delight to watch the kid as she runs around her mother , carefree. \”Dont go outside the house, there is a big worm there..\”she tells her kid who believes her without questioning what she is told. In the age where multiplex culture robs our kids of all their childhood innocence, she is a refreshing change. When I look at her I cant help but wonder whether she would follow her mother\’s footsteps ten years down the lane..
As for now her mother looks exasperated as the little girl plays around in our house. \”Bringing up kids is not an easy job..\”she remarks. My mother asks her gently why she decided to marry and have kids so soon in life to which she remnisces,\”I did not know the ways of the world then. I was so innocent…\”.